I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
