One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
