You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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