Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
