Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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