So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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