Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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