The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
