this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
