new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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