if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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