I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
