I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
