Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
