i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
