my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
