I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize