Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
