Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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