insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
