i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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