Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am mentally ready for anal.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
