no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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