I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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