It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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