i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
