I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
