Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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