I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
