I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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