this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Congratulations! We have a period
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
