i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
