he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
