I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize