State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
