the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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