I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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