i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
