he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
