Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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