he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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