I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
