omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
