I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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