it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
