i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
