Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
