i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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