Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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