Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
