btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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