You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
