I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
