I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
