he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
