my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
