hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
