Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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