What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
