My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My cat gives me a boner
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
