Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
