Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
