i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
