You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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