not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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