Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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