last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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