I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
