You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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