good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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