I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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