We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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